escape the crowd somehow

the world is filled with lies. it is filled with hatred... it is filled with so much sorrow. i don't know what to believe in anymore, because whenever i do, i feel myself falling back to this lost state i was always in and lately this feeling of abandonment feels unbearable... you know? they say the misery you've been through in your life is what defines you, but i hope it isn't true, because taking away all the happiness i've ever had... i would be a pretty screwed up individual.

it's getting hard to believe that someday all of these demons that are haunting me will vanish, that this cave i've been wandering in for years will finally show me an exit, or if these memories tormenting me will loosen their grip on me -- these are hard times for dreamers like me. and i don't know if it's worth the fight anymore.


inspiration:

inside all of us is adventure.

learn french... and fall in love.

i stood there staring at him. i didn't say anything, not because i was afraid, but just the opposite. i finally understood that there are people in life who just wouldn't believe in dreaming. he isn't better than me. he's just someone who can't understand why it's so important to dream... and that made me lose my fear -- the fact that someday, my life would be better than it is right now while his life would forever stay the same. and i think he understood that when his eyes flickered away. resolute, i walked back into my room, shut the door, locked it, buried my head beneath my pillow and let the silence flood in. and for a moment, life was better... shinier. life was better for a dreamer like me.

I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE COS' OF THE LAST 3 LINES. OKAY, SELF-PRAISING IS BAD BUT WHATEVER. ACTUALLY I DON'T REALLY LIKE HOW IT BEGINS AND ACTUALLY, I ONLY LIKE THE LAST 3 LINES. SO YEAH. FAIL.


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DVDs to get (really):

1. Never Let Me Go - cos' i haven't watched it yet and i can't currently... M18 (dang).

2. New York, I Love You - cos' i've always wanted to watch it since it's premier (like 2-3 years ago).

3. Eat, Pray, Love - because i think it's a truly inspirational movie with an important message, and for reviving the clichéd phrase of having 'to lose everything in order to find it all back and more'

4. Where the Wild Things Are - for believing in believing.

5. I Am Number Four - because i'm still a die-hard action lover with a sci-fi imagination. and diana agron was gorgeous in it.

p.s, I FEEL SO SAD WHENEVER I LOOK AT MY PRINTER. NOT BECAUSE IT RAN OUT OF INK (ACTUALLY IT HAS) BUT BECAUSE 'PRIDE & PREJUDICE' IS NESTLED NICELY ATOP, HALFWAY THROUGH. AND I NEVER HAVE THE MOOD TO CONTINUE READING EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT THAT BAD AND EVEN QUITE INTERESTING. AND WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT I JUST GOT 3 MORE BOOKS YESTERDAY WITH BALL, WHICH ADDS TO THE 3-4 BOOKS I'VE YET TO READ. KBYE.

no final kiss to seal any sins

We keep jumping and jumping, but somehow can never go any higher isn't it? this place is suffocating. it's anchoring me down an ocean's floor. I love it here, really, but i find my heart drifting further from this place as the years pass, and lately i feel like i can't take it any more, like if i stay here for just a second longer, i'd burst -- explode, cave in. so is it not better for me to vanish from this place and never return? is it so wrong to dream of leaving this place? this place... that makes me unhappy, this place that makes me see how unfulfilled my life is and so much more that it can be?
life is not hard here. life here is dull, it's empty, blank and so many things other places are not. and perhaps that's why it's making life so miserable.
i am a dreamer and these are tough times for dreamers like me. but i would rather die than lose myself to nothing.


I THINK I JUST GOT INSPIRED TO WRITE SHORT STUFF LIKE THIS AND END WITH 'THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR DREAMERS LIKE US'. yes, i tweaked some of the words cos' i used hard in the previous sentence and using it again would be contradictory. and i also used 'me' instead of 'us' because... gah, specifics.
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Week Highlights: