rotting like a wreck on the ocean floor

know that you are stronger than that. know how words should mean nothing to you because you are bigger than that -- stronger than them, braver than them, and their words will do nothing but bounce off of you. know that you are no longer a child who feeds off the attention of others; you are independent, you are no longer the person you thought you were a year ago and now you are liberated, you do not need anyone's faith, just your own. know what true love is, how we fall in love and it fades and it comes back again and passes on. know that you are somebody, that your existence matters not just to someone but many, many others, and that they will be shattered should you be gone from their lives.

know that life for you is not yet over and barely at its cusp.
know that life has just began for you.

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i have a feeling that i'll be able to fit this into something one day. no idea what but yeah.

inspiration: 


song (on top) which i've been addicted to since the beginning of the week. Florence and the Machines, Swimming.

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swrdswllngwhr

on Thursday we (Tuls, Kaede, Ethel, Sarah and Liyana) went to simpang to eat the undocumented food. it was really good! have to go back again to try the kebabs. 

before that Ethel, Kaede and I watched Insidious and it was mofo scary, but not like the kind where the spirits/demons and such are horrific looking but the kind where it just gives you this haunting feeling. still, the plot was amazing and it's definitely worth the fear (and sleepless night thereafter).

where'd you go

do you think... that it's possible to be in love with two people at the same time? equally?

i don't get you. you love both of them?

is it selfish? i mean, of course it is. but listen first before you judge me. it's pretty hard to put this into words because it's love, and both of them give me different types of it... different types of affection. and i don't know why but i love it both, i like how happy and carefree they make me feel, and sometimes i don't even see how i'll be able to lose either of them. i know i'm being thoroughly self-absorbed but i can't help it. i feel as though losing any of them would tear half my heart out. i feel as though without either, life wouldn't be as wholesome and amazing as it is right now. i feel in bliss and i feel so, so fortunate to have these two individuals giving me their entire emotions... their entire hearts. and even though the guilt rips me apart sometimes, i just... i don't know okay?

look, it is true that you're being selfish for leading both of them on, and no one can deny that. but this is love, this is how complicated it gets, how it forces you to choose even if you don't want to. i think you'll have to sort your feelings out and decide which one you truly love.

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p.s, i lied about not writing anymore about it.