Keep Looking Up

The year-end post begins with an awesome quote:

"When adults say, 'Teenagers think they are invincible' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail."

-John Green, Looking for Alaska


Every year we create a list of things we've always been wanting to do, and every year we don't complete all of them. still, there's no harm doing one. but i think i'll ink it on paper and pin it up after typing it. striking things off a list gives me a strange sense of accomplishment and satisfaction so i guess i'll be more likely to follow the list through.

In 2011 i will:

1. learn something new i.e. join a course (frankly, this has been on the list for 2 years now)
2. build up my writing portfolio
3. which means participating in competitions and hopefully winning them
4. and also to read and write more
5. exercise more for the army/whatever division i'll be posted to
6. which is related to better time management
7. study a lot harder for the A' Levels (mainly GP and/or Lit cos' they're prerequisites for the Uni course I want)
8. you know, optimism and happiness isn't exactly a resolution since they depend on circumstances but... what the heck
9. get a tattoo... HAHAH, kidding, maybe, i don't know. i have issues with permanence so... yeah. that would make a really good 18th-birthday-thing though. i guess.
10. stay religiously fervent about my goals
11. and, follow Coco Chanel's words: "you live but once, you might as well be amusing"... time to start parading in face paint.

a page break will follow this sentence because it's gonna be lengthy and will probably the longest post i've ever written in 2010. this will actually be edited several times because it's so long and i'll probably forget to include certain stuff.
...

Face Paint Wipes Pain:

Face painting is awesome:

but i hope God doesn't punish me tomorrow by giving me eczema cos' we were cheapskate and opted for the 'safe for skin fingerpaint' at 9.90 instead of the legit facepaint, paint for a ridiculous 49.90. 

i wish both my eyelids would constantly stay the same (not one being single and the other double). actually it would be nice if both my eyes had single eyelids or less pronounced doubles. and that probably makes me the only person who wishes that cos' everyone wants a pronounced double.

okay whatever, it's not like i can do anything about it.

i think he's gonna be really, really big. bigger than justin bieber. cos' his songs (which he, being talented, wrote himself) aren't about girls (ergo superficiality) but life (ergo deep, ergo appeals to every age including pubescent girls) and he's got a big voice.

Death and All His Friends.

"the human life is made up of choices. Yes or No. In or Out. Up or Down... and then there are the choices that matter. Love or Hate. to be a Hero or to be a Coward. to Fight or to Give In. to Live. or Die. Live or Die. that's the important choice. and it's not always in our hands."

NOT GONNA LIE. The season 6 finale for Grey's Anatomy made me cry my balls out (not bawl though, I don't do bawling). AND. that wasn't even the climax. actually it was one of the climaxes (if you can have more than one) but not the most cry-your-balls-out-scene. Can't find that but this is almost as good. i remember shouting at the TV and swinging my fists when Derek got shot and Meredith collapsed but that's a whole different story.

it must have been awesome to have been one of the screenwriters for that episode.

Happy Christmas.

I like Christmas songs cos' they feel really festive.

---

The thumping of your restless heart

the magic of your playful touch

your eyes like fire in the dark

you start riots in my heart

The scent of showers deep in summer

the sparks at night flying asunder

fireflies dancing in winter

your warmth a fervent thunder

-Rae

Inspiration:

&

the rhythm scheme (I REMEMBER, IT'S CALLED IAMBIC TETRAMETER) from the book/movie:

The way you're singing in your sleep 

The way you look before you leap 

The strange illusions that you keep 

You don't know 

But I'm noticing 

The way your touch turns into arcs 

The way you slide into the dark 

The beating of my open heart 

You don't know 

But I'm noticing

-David Levithan

&

Now I wanna watch the movie. 

Run to You

i don't have the kind of heart you do. i can't give everything i have when i love. i can't believe that something will come out of everything we do. i can't trust myself with that, not with love, at least not anymore.
-Rae

---

Inception (twice) today,
HP marathon the day after.

Life is good. Jazz is good, like this song:

Stories of Love and Lost #2: Make You Feel My Love

Adele is the best, ever. okay, she didn't write the song nor produce the video but her voice is phenomenal.

another long one. well here goes.

---

where are you? i'm sorry for the things i've said.


she is alone in a London apartment. she is dressed beautifully, but her disheveled hair and smeared make-up indicates a ruined evening. the room is in a mess - pillows on the floor, table lamp displaced and an upturned chair by the window. the clock blinks 4:02 am. she rests the phone on the bed and walks to the table. she picks up an opened pen and starts writing a letter.

i know you don't understand the reason why i keep all of these secrets from you. and it hurts to know that tonight you discovered one of them from someone else... instead of me. honestly, it was my every intention to tell you tonight. but i guess the circumstances have made it impossible. and you already knew. i guess this is a letter to explain myself then. 

I could be a pornstar, we could leave the lights on, you can feel my heartbeat.

This insomnia cannot be put to sleep.

Shit.

I shall write my resolutions soon.

I-feel-the-need-to-say-all-these-things:

Ben Clouthier's tattoo is freaking awesome. He's the youtube guy by the way.

Amy Meredith is an awesome band.
I like Lifehouse all over again (esp. their 'Crash and Burn') after watching Castle in Aus.

But I still think Adele is the best though she technically, isn't a band nor is she in one.

I got a haircut and sorta like it. it's on DB. HAHA.

Which speaking of, i just revived my DB account.

And will hopefully continue to use it.

I lead a vicarious (sadly, not vivacious) life but I don't care cos' the Internet's awesome.

Eat, Pray, Love is such a great show. Everyone should watch it cos' it's about Eating, Praying, and Loving. 

Stories of Love and Lost #1: Strangers

this is insanely lengthy (longest i've ever posted) so you might not want to read it (but i think you should cos' i like it a lot, haha)

inspired by (among many others listed at the end) Christopher Koch's Antelope Picnic photo series. I think it's the best photo series I've ever seen. he's an awesome photographer/editor. my favourite still:

---

love at first sight,

is definitely ridiculous... but so very, very possible.

we met in a field of maize. but before you go ahead and judge me as mushy and tell me 'yeah-right' or 'that only happens in movies dude...', this is all true so just shut up and listen.

i said we met in a field of maize but i didn't exactly say i was all 'oh, i really should visit some maize field today and pick myself some -- maize', nor was she all stumbling upon a maize field by chance while walking home. as i said, not a fairytale.

turn the lights on it's over, the night's just about to explode.

so there's this ad that's been on the telly for some time now (actually, since I got here), promoting the Uni of Melbourne. I didn't really think much of it cos' I know I wanna be there someday (3 YEARS TIME SURELY BUT HOPEFULLY).

and then i was watching Mentalist (awesome show) just now and I saw it twice during the commercials.

didn't think much of it.

after The Mentalist (already watched that episode before but it was still awesome cos' the ending's great), I watched Castle (also, awesome show). the ad followed right after the one for Desperate Housewives (I like that show actually, haha) and yeah. it was kind of an awesome ad (they have different ones appealing to the various studies like Arts, Science, Business etc.) cos' it was the Arts one (the Science one was just an astronaut and I thought it was kinda lame) and it was like orchestral-y and all.

the point it is, it is 12am now and I just browsed their website (for the millionth time since a year and a half ago).

i want this cos' it reads awesome. I know it's a Masters Degree but I clicked Bach. of Arts and it brought me to this sort-of-cool page where it asked what my interest was and I clicked 'Creative Writing' and it brought me to Undergrad > Bach. of Arts and then Graduate > the one I linked. and then it says that it's compulsory to write a thesis for this course. and then i realized it's still (very) far away.

life is long. i want more.

i think building houses is fun. no idea. something bout' carrying bricks and cementing them one at a time appeals to me. then again, Amy Meredith says we could always be Porn Stars. great song.

K BYE.

reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark

MY FAVE ARTIST. among many others yay.

I am sitting here waiting for tomorrow and perhaps Wednesday (where I go home) because tomorrow, I will and must get Amy Meredith's CD, which, for an Australian Band, isn't all that hyped about replenishing their stocks in large bulk (JB Hi-Fi [no HMV here] said they'd replenished their stocks and sold out again). So right now, I am sort-of bored. 'sort-of' because I'm halfway through 'Disgrace' (I have insomnia apparently, perhaps still jet-lagged but then again, who still gets jet-lagged after a week?) and it was dreary till a chapter from where I just stopped and am amazed at how I survived through them because I had to.

Anyway, I've been thinking how awesome it would be to say that you're from 'New Jersey', which I have no idea why this thought even existed. Then it was sort-of-dashed when I told Zelia about it and she said to watch Jersey Shore and I'd know.

I think Jersey Shore isn't an interesting show. At all. Yet what reality shows interest me are Kardashians, Kimora and Jerseylicious (which has its differences from JS). So I might not really know what interesting means anyway.

I feel like getting back on DB but I've nothing much to post about so I guess I can only comment on photos for the time being. Hah. At least I talk to people! Strangers, that is.

Abrupt end. BYE.

---

I just need to say something:


I don't like how everything here (suburbs) is so far away. Which to the Aussies, near could mean a distance from Pasir Ris to Jurong. And that is, to me, a Singaporean, ridiculously far.

I am a city-person. The suburban life is not for me (at least not yet). I dislike how overly-large the houses are (though large is good. Hence, 'overly') when an apartment in the city would suffice (I don't mean the 'cosy' houses but the sufficient houses) and everything is within walking (or metro) distance. I like how they call their trains 'metro', heh. Imeanofcourse there's that peace and quiet this place offers but then the slightest sound equals a disturbance and frankly, I don't really mind the incessant sound of passing cars and would like to think of it as a monotonous lullaby. Actually I dig apartments cos'... what's not to like? They're easily maintained and if you have style, so will it. And I think it's awesome to have room-mates instead of house-mates even though I've no idea why.

Soiguess what the problem the suburbs are for me is just the distance. A car is a car that is an object and shouldn't be dragged into the issue. They aren't meant only for people who need to travel long distances. I wanna not travel 45 mins to grab a bite or get a cd or a book or anything related to 'life'. So yeah.

I am a city person.

-

I don't know why I'm writing equivalent to theses these days but heck.

"Love and truth being tied together, I mean. They make each other possible, you know?"

Why Australian Bands rock:

---

So I'm sitting in front of the computer thinking of what to do with myself because today, is rest day (I woke up at 2pm yay), and I'm not in the mood to play video games (wow), and I've no mood to start reading another book (though I really should continue 'Disgrace' which so far, is kind of interesting seeing how I stopped at where the main character's prostitute andor escort disappears, and start on the report. *homework, shit).

So this is what I do: I type out the sort-of-synopsis at the back of what may just be the best book I've read in my 17-year old life. It really is an awesome book! It was so good that I couldn't go to sleep till I finished the book after opening it (which took me about 4-5 hours? I slept at 2am). And it's the first book that gave me tears of joy (either that, or staying up late made me slightly delirious and over-emotional) when I got to the ending because it was just so good and I really wasn't expecting a happy ending but like a 'and so life is like this', kind of ending. you know, the Nicholas-Sparks-your-endings-are-so-cliché-and-anti-climaticish kind. But no, it was great.  I think everyone should read this, really. And I think this might be as good or better than Harry Potter except that it isn't a series and there aren't any fantasy elements in it. 

This isn't a book review but like what New York Times will always somehow squeeze this into their books, it steals your heart, makes you laugh and the ever-present a real pageturner. WHY IS THIS BOOK SO GOOD HUH?

---

 Will Grayson, will grayson

What if you were somewhere you never expected to be, and met someone with your name?

What if the girl you didn't think you were interested in started being interested in you?

What if your best friend started writing a musical about your life... and it made you look lame?

*

What if you are depressed?

What if you're in love with someone you've never met?

And what is the story with the guy walking around with your name?

---

AUS 4

this is a record of the stuff I bought. the things in DFOs are freaking cheap.

Rain.

i think i'm going to start on the pile of books tomorrow. after another DFO of course.

---

it was how i pictured it - two people who loved each other endlessly but were wickedly separated by a thousand miles, are now standing at both ends of the same road, under the rain.

we didn't run towards each other like in the movies. We just... stood there, in silent ecstasy, grappling the fact that three years of disunion was finally over.

we stood still till our clothes were entirely drenched, then we started walking... and i guess the anticipation was too much, because we broke into a run barely a few steps forward and hugged each other like the world around was crumbling. i cried, she cried, and the rain seemed like the most beautiful setting we could wish for. it felt like time never existed and the rain would poured on and on.

"do you remember what you told me? you said 'if love was a rainbow, there'd be no point in loving since it would be too easy.'" she whispered into my ear, "you said that love was a tough road two people had to go through, together, in order to appreciate one another. I'd never forgotten that since I've left. It gave me a reason to pull through, and it gave me a reason to what it was I'm doing. I used to think that you gave me credit for having so much strength sometimes. And I'm always so deeply afraid that I would just give in and shatter. Not anymore. Not now. "

I didn't say anything. I tightened my grip around her, and I kept reminding myself that this was all real.

"I searched breathlessly for you."

---

Inspiration:

"Just like that. From a hundred miles an hour to asleep in a nanosecond. I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I has hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane"

-Looking for Alaska by John Green

AUS 3

say it ain't so, say i'm happy again
say it's over, say i'm dreaming
say i'm better than you left me
say you're sorry, i can take it


say you'll wait, say you won't
say you love me, say you don't
i can make my own mistakes
let it bend, before it breaks


---

YESTERDAY I:

ate ramen and watched epic Grey's Anatomy episodes.

TODAY I WENT TO:

google.

google: the enormity of the area.

which is one of the many (3) DFO's in Melbourne (*there's only one DFO in other states except Queensland so yeah, pretty big deal)

WHERE I GOT STUFF FROM:

COTTON ON, LEVI'S, factorie (their shorts are freaking awesome);

at ridiculously cheap prices (since it's a DFO and all). But really, insanely cheap. a cardi for 7 bucks, sweater for 20 and levi's shorts 25 each etc. even Tommy Hilfiger was a lot cheaper (89 - 120 each?) but they were still too high for me. there were a lot more shops (puma, Adidas, Nike kate spade etc.) but i figured since i'm gonna be here for a while more i'd might as well check other stuff out rather than spending a bomb in one area (which i could if my money-tree plantation hadn't caught a wildfire)

I THEN BOUGHT EVEN MORE BOOKS WHICH NOW AMOUNTS TO:

i've been buying books everywhere I go. yes, they are cheap too - penguin classics 10 a piece. (*John Green rocks).

---

give up ghosts

"sometimes i think i can feel you're with me. like in the middle of the night? i'll hold my breath and listen hard if you're there, watching me as i go through this cycle of pain and recovery and hoping you never left. where were you then? where are you... now?"

-Isobel, Rae