a letter #2.

Jake,

i can't believe this is the first thing i'm doing since i've reached my apartment. but it's for you so why not?
i've read your letters a dozen times since i got it. on the plane, in transit, in the cute yellow cab and before i wrote this. i cried the first... second and i don't know which other time i've read it. yes, i cried and no, it's not a lie to make you worry if it's any good.
it is, the best you've ever written.

NY has been nice so far, but it feels a little empty cos' i haven't got anyone to share the excitement with. i'm kinda worried about the people i'd meet when orientation starts. it's like, i haven't really 'made' friends in a while since i've been hanging around the same people (especially you) forever. obviously nervous if i would find a friend that'd click with me just like you and i.

Science and Faith

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope

You won't find heart and soul in the stars

You can break everything, down to chemicals

But you can't explain a love like ours.

-The Script

I listened to an entire album for the first time

cathartic.

---

school's ending soon and i've been doing nothing there except practice for oral presentation, play lots of monopoly deal during insanely long breaks and on friday, had a grey's anatomy marathon with the two balls.

p.s, i wanna carve a pumpkin

my mouth is dry with words i cannot verbalize.

you speak as though i'm nothing
while slyly drive razor blades deep inside

i pretend nothing's happening
even as you remove them and stitch me up again

i am in pain, if that's what it's still called

if that's what it still feels
-Rae

don't wait, don't wait

p.s, I just discovered the 'jump break' function.
yay-face.

Travelling: Town #1.

they are both at the pier, the water illuminating the night lights. neither talk as they enjoy the breeze and each other's presence. it is the last night they would share and he is prepared to leave forever.

"This whole new life you're living. Is it better than the one you used to have?" she said.

"It used to feel like i was living in a dream. I don't know, everything seemed real... yet it felt as though the world would crumble within seconds," he said.

"You couldn't live naturally."

"Yeah, exactly. One day, I woke up, I thought, 'life isn't suppose to be like this'. This -- living precariously, thinking as though all would end someday. I couldn't take it, not anymore."

"So you left, and since then you've been travelling from town to town."

"I left. I left everything i once had, I left whatever past buried and started afresh -- packed my bags and headed straight for the station. Whatever I couldn't take was gone forever."

"You ended up coming here."

"Yep. I was in a village nearby and the stream sort of led me here."

"Do you regret it? Living this sort of life?"

Love.

"i remember, without you, i was a mess" she laughs, "i couldn't do anything. i was depressed -- a wreck"

"yeah?" he replied.

"and then you came... at first, i thought you were this guy who prided himself in emotion, who believed in the absurdity that love is everything. but then, time spent with you, i felt the cloud above me starting to lift a little. i thought 'hey, life isn't that bad', and it isn't. with you, it's perfect," she looks away. 

"before you... i thought love was incomprehensible. that it was irrational -- foolish, to fall in love. but now i understand it's genuineness, and... it's power."

"without you, i can't breathe. with you, my breath hastens. i don't know. you mean the whole world to me, and I don't ever want to lose you. i can't bear the thought of you being gone forever -- i can't live with you being gone forever, Tom"

pathos

they both stand apart, a world of pent up conflict between them. both are wracked and know whatever about to happen will dissolve the final strands of their relationship.

"you lied, from the very first day... you lied," she finally says, "was it ever real? any of this?" her tears have run dry as her whispers echo across the desolate room.

"I want-" he makes to speak.

"you wanted to tell me?" she smiles at the absurdity, "... but you didn't. for 2 years, you didn't."

"no. I never wanted to tell you," he replies.

crazy for you

you said i'm crazy, if i am i'm crazy for you.

--because i'm too crazy, too crazy for you.

a letter.

Jasmine Claire Jacobs,

you changed my life, and i would never forget that.

i know you absolutely hate it when I overwrite but i don't really care right now because this is probably going to be the last time i'm going to be telling you how much i love you so shut up and read it alright.

i remember all the songs you'd force me to listen, really, i do, no matter how many times i say i hate how you're irritating the shit out of me, i remember.
i remember all the notes you'd write for me, and i keep them, i keep them in a box that holds all my precious memories. but i also keep them closed inside my heart. you matter a lot.
i remember all the phone calls we make, how stupid they are, how foolish we are, because every phone call closed whatever physical distance that tried breaking us apart.

life without you would suck. but don't take that as me not wanting you to leave. i do, i really do, because that's what you need, a change. and as your best friend, i would support you wherever you are.

so good luck in life, and i hope i'd be the only Jake you'll ever know, the Jake that'd cheer you up, the Jake that you met and will always remember since fifth grade and the Jake that is your best friend. because you mean the whole world to me, and letting you go is hard, but letting you go is the only thing to do.

if sometimes you forget who you are, if sometimes you need a little hope; something to pick you up, read this letter and you'll know i'm with you and it doesn't matter even if we're a thousand miles apart because i'll still be with you.

and really, i remember all the time we spent, happy or not, because those times just brought us closer together.

love, and forever your best friend, Jake.

-Rae

---

Inspired by: Where Are You Know - Honor Society
photos from deviantart, flickr, facebook.

different.

if it wasn't for you i would never be who i am, where are now?

---


a different day

the sunrise sparkled

we were together

locked in each other's arms

and we kissed

the longest kiss

but it felt like only a blink went by


we stood silent
like candles that burned unending
not a flicker aroused
we glowed endlessly


a different night
fireflies in the garden
we danced, pranced
lived like the world never existed
and we kissed
a brief one
but it felt like the world had stopped forever
-Rae


---


because in less than two weeks, it'd all be over.

Currently: have no life cos' I'm cooped up at home studying for shit. Yay.

hey, you, you've got an awesome taste in music.