continues here:
stories of love and lost #1
stories of love and lost #2
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"dad, what the fuck are you doing? what the hell are you doing with your life? mom's GONE. we can't bring her back. "
he stood up and i retreated. i knew what he was going to do the moment he looked at me but i stood there, like an empty shell. i wanted him to hit me, to swing his palm right at my face, because that would resolve my decision to leave this god-forsaken house.
i cried silently; let the tears trickle down my chin. i wanted him to see me cry, to see the state he is in -- for him to hit his daughter, the only family he has left. i wanted him to see me cry because i hoped he would finally wake up.
so i said to him the last words i would say before leaving forever.
"wake up... please. she's already been dead for a year. she doesn't want to see this pathetic state you're in. please, this isn't a dream anymore, this is real and we can't turn back time. she's dead. and you're not the only one hurting."
i went back to my room and cried into the pillow, i couldn't stop myself from bawling anymore. i knew he wouldn't come in so i steadied myself and packed, and left.
i had no idea where i would be going, but i couldn't take it anymore, i couldn't stand another day of waking up and pretending everything's fine when it's not, playing my dad's game where he lives as though mom never left. it was too much for me to handle.
but in the game only he is playing, and he doesn't even know there's no winning it because to him...
it's actually real.
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inspiration:
the sky darkens, my life flashes
the plane that i was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes
that's when i wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'
it's spring and Haile's outside swinging
i think this song is beautiful. like, very.
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