little bit

so, what did you do? when you... you know, saw him with another girl. 

i did nothing -- at first. at first all i did was run back home and blame myself. can you believe it? i blamed myself for something he's done. i thought i wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough or funny enough for him. he made me feel thoroughly inadequate of myself. and i didn't confront him because i was struggling to hold onto something i know was going to dissolve. 

but then i couldn't take it any longer; not when he was cheating in front of me. not when he's texting her when we're dining together, not when he pretends it's just business when i know it's her calling. i wanted to prove that if he could cheat, then i could as well. i tried to, but i couldn't. i couldn't because i'm not that kind of person. 

so all i did was simply leave. i told him i didn't want to be his second choice anymore. i told him he had to choose one of us and it wouldn't be me, because i already know how fucked up he is. i guess in the end, i realized that i was better than that, that the fault didn't lie in me.

i left, and instantly i became happier, i felt like this baggage that's been weighing me down had suddenly dissolved. i no longer thought of myself as inadequate, and it was the best feeling in the world.