thoughts from nowhere: if only we could channel our endless fretting and worrying into something tangible, or something productive, then at least we could see the enormity of our indolence when we die, or more favourably, wouldn't be wasting our lives away doing nothing... and then pondering what the hell we did. like right now, i am agonizing over the exams that is to come on monday, wednesday and thursday. if only i could harness this irrational and ineffectual torment into my studies, i would probably do very well. but doing so would mean having to find a way to channel such anxiety and i just don't have the time. anyway, this is life for me right now, writing stuff which will probably never result in anything:
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why can't you just let me do what i want to do? you're always saying how i am a failure at school, how i suck at math, how i am a loser at science, at everything you assume would equip a human being with happiness in the future. but you know what? you're wrong. you think that it's necessary for all of us to get A's or B's in subjects we're all subjected to. that isn't true. why can't you just let me -- us be? why can't credit be given to those who excel in unconventional studies? why can't a ballerina be congratulated for her talent? why can't a singer receive a standing ovation for belting out a melodious harmony? or a writer be commended for making people cry, laugh or for offering people a chance to escape the shit from this world, into the world he creates? these things actually make people happy, and you don't see that. you also don't see how these things make us happy. it gives us escape, it gives us salvation... a momentary relief from all the crap the world gives us for doing something people like you look down on. these are hard times for dreamers like us, but it doesn't matter, because we'll keep on believing. we'll keep believing that someday what we do gets recognized. all the hard work we put in, hours of practice, the scrutiny we go through. all of it. we will realize our dreams, and nobody has the right to tell us we cannot do this... not even you. because having a dream keeps us going. and it is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.
inspiration:
beautiful songggggg. heard it's in Water for Elephants. feel like getting the book/watching the movie/both.
&
i hated school. i hated school, and i didn’t realize why. i thought i was - there was something wrong with me for hating school and not being able to deal with school. at the time, it was ingrained in me that school was - if you’re not successful at school, you’re not going to be successful at life. and the hierarchy with subjects at school, the arts are given no credence and if they are, it’s false credence. so yeah, i look back on it and i get angry. i am angry about it because you know, there might be a brilliant ballerina somewhere in school that’s being forced to do maths and she’s seen as “difficult”. but if she was just allowed to express whatever gifts she has to offer, than she would be happy and she could make hundreds of other people joyous for a couple of hours per night.
-Andrew Garfield.
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